After months of scouring the racks at every outdoor outfitter in the metro area, I finally happened upon a long winter parka that met every criteria I set. Perfect color, no fur around the hood, cinched at the waist to keep the cold air out, and just long enough to cover my behind when my behind was swathed by a skirt. Perfect, except that the only size they had left was a small. I am not a small person. Now that I finally knew precisely what I was looking for, it was time to hit the Internet. Turns out the Internet was sold out too.
No combination of Google search terms hit the parka lottery for me, but here is what I noticed in the days that followed. On every screen in my Internet browser, on every sidebar of Facebook, any space where advertising could be had online, I found my North Face Gotham parka, size women’s medium popping up. Disappointingly, the only color that was available was burnt olive and seriously? Who wants to invest in a long winter coat that’s the color of baby poop? I began to feel like the Internet was conspiring against me, and I’m not going to lie, it kind of freaked me out. Ha!! You can see your coat Wendy, but you can’t get it. Nyah-nyah! Everywhere I turned, everywhere I looked, there was my coat. Available in every color and size combination except for the elusive graphite gray with a hot pink lining in women’s size medium.
The North Face’s parka production problems are why I have avoided searching for muscular dystrophy information on the Internet. Everywhere I turned, everywhere, all I could see was the North Face jacket I coveted staring at me, mocking me. I just know that when I begin the search for MD information, it’s going to be the same thing. Every pop-up everywhere I look coming up in every single browser page is going to be MD related. I know there’s more to the Internet than that, but there won’t be for a real long time once I begin entering those search terms.
Since the Internet is prescient, maybe it will see its way to giving me a break, right?? Effing Google.