Sometimes I’m just crabby and down and it has nothing to do with my child’s medical status. I began writing this post about seven times, and every time I got the first few lines hammered out, I erased them. Before we knew about my son’s new club, I would periodically feel crabby because I’m a PERSON and PEOPLE GET CRABBY! With the advent of our after, I feel like plain ol’ crabby isn’t good enough. Now to be fair, I wasn’t writing a diary like this before. Before when I felt creepy or behaved irrationally for a
moment day, acting like a total bitch was something chalked up to nothing more than having a bad day. Only my family or co-workers suffered through it. So why now do I not feel like I should be granting myself permission to be ornery for no real good reason? Oh I know. . . my reasons for being moody today are so ridiculous that I’m embarrassed to share them here. Because in the grand scheme of things, really? THIS is why I’m down? Yes. It is. And before that would have been enough.
I just finished the 1150+ page novel, IQ84, whose characters exist in an alternate universe. They’re cognizant enough of their situations to acknowledge there’s something not right in their worlds (besides the two moons), and the two protagonists name their alternate worlds IQ84 (it’s set in 1984, but not quite) and Cat Town. To borrow a bit from Murakami and Lewis Carroll, I too feel like I’m dangling a toe down the rabbit hole. I too am hoping to catch the train back from Cat Town before it’s too late, and I sure as hell hope I find that freeway escape ladder by the right-facing Esso tiger. I KNOW I’m not living in a parallel world; I do. My tale isn’t set in an alternative world, it’s more like an afterworld but less ghost-y. It’s minimally not the same as it was before and everyone but me knows how to behave here. Time marches on, and seasons mercifully change, but my world is just a touch IQ84 these days.
In order to avoid missing the train back from Cat Town, I’m forcing myself to celebrate three good things today:
- I didn’t run out of gas on my way home. My commute takes me though some of our city’s most impoverished and dangerous neighborhoods. I rolled the dice on purpose and won this round with 2 whole miles worth of gas to go. I’ve never run out of gas in my life, but my mood today carried with it a “bring it on” tone.
- The kids’ Pinewood Derby cars are almost done. I had absolutely nothing to do with this.
- I made a delicious freaking dinner for us. To all the guys in my life who passed on their chance with me before I was fully fabulous: Suck it! 🙂 I am a very good cook, and you have missed the gravy train. Despite today’s evidence to the contrary, I’m funny, I’m pretty smart, and I love sports. I’m a total package!
Yep, feeling better already.