What’s Your 1% Skill?

As promised, something a little more cheery.  Because mean people suck.  And it’s my birthday.

What’s your 1% skill?  What are YOU better at or more committed to or more involved in than 99% of the rest of the universe is?  It doesn’t have to be something useful for the advancement of society, as I’ll illustrate.  It doesn’t even have to be a skill per se.  My brother first asked me this a few years ago, and it’s something I began using with new speech pathologists during their orientation.  It’s a better icebreaker than walking around the room filling in stupid bingo squares as you move from person to person finding the one person who’s traveled to Argentina or has four sisters or had surgery in the past year.  It also has created sidebar business relationships (e.g., “I make soap” and “I restore furniture”) for which, regrettably, no one has seen fit to slide me the standard 10% finders fee.  Mostly it’s fun and funny little peculiarities that others actually remember are made known.

We’ve established I have no artsy/crafty skills.  I have the universe’s worst visual-motor integration, and until I was an adult and realized there was a reason I sucked at such tasks (i.e., my brain is simply dead there at the cortical level, that’s all), was intensely frustrated by the shortcoming.  I don’t have those gifts, but I have a few skills of interest.  Yes, “skills” and “interest” are what we’re going with because it’s my birthday and I’m wearing the metaphorical and/or Photoshopped tiara.  See Happy Almost Birthday or scroll down for the crown artwork.  Still waiting on that empress sash though. . .  I’d sew one myself, but this whole paragraph is about my little visual-motor integration issue.  Keep up, friends.

Drum roll please–my 1% skills:

I can load a dishwasher like nobody’s business.  Seriously deadly skills.  Why is there no reality competition show for this?

I remember people.  If I’ve met you once, I know you for life.  This is in stark contrast to the experience many people have meeting me; I “meet” people several times before I’ve left an impression sufficient that I’m remembered.  I used to help people out & lead with “I used to be blonde” or “I used to be a redhead” or “I worked with you for twelve years,” but now I just say “How nice to meet you again,” and wait to roll my eyes until I turn around. Because rolling my eyes to their face would be juvenile.  Duh. Mostly I just avoid eye contact altogether and don’t approach people I’ve met but don’t know well.  I now assume people have no idea who I am, and am pleasantly surprised if someone does say, “Hey, Wendy, remember me?”  I sure do!

I can name that tune in a millisecond.  This skill comes in handy especially when I’m driving.  If I don’t love it, I will change that song before your ears even detect an acoustic signal.  Ninja skills, man.  It’s also freaked out a few people at concerts.

I mentioned this one in my Q&A post, but I have a song for every word that comes out of your mouth.  I’m pretty much always singing in my head.  Annoying?  Sure.  Distracting?  Definitely.  We don’t get to choose our gifts though, do we?

I’m in the top 1% of Barenaked Ladies fans.  Obviously.

My vodka pasta sauce will change your life.

I never get lost.  My memory for places and internal compass rose is disturbingly accurate.  And fuchsia.  The compass rose that is, would be fuchsia in color.  But I don’t like roses all that much if I’m being honest, so it would be OK if my compass rose was yellow instead of fuchsia because roses commonly are yellow and I like yellow a LOT and also #ketchupandmustard.  What?  Who cares??  Sorry.

I laugh so hard I snort about five times per day.  I’m not sure what the average number of snorts per day is and if five is a lot or not many at all, or if that’s even a thing I could Google, so maybe it’s not an actual 1% kind of thing.  Hold on.  I just Googled it, and I can’t find a firm answer.  I did learn however that if I were a single woman in San Francisco, snorting with laughter could be a deal breaker in the dating world.  What a relief to be here in the Midwest and married then.  W. H. E. W.  But I laugh a lot, and that is the Important, with a capital I thing here.  Because suck it, mean people!  I’m going to laugh anyway.

So what’re your 1% skills?  Leave them in the comments below, because I’m nosy interested that way.  No one reads this blog–it’s for personal therapeutic purposes only, so it’ll be our little secret.  The next time you’re out with friends and the conversation drags, pull this one out of your bag of clever conversationalist tricks.  You are entirely welcome.

And did no one notice I used both i.e., and e.g., CORRECTLY here in one post??  BOOM!  Skills.  Happy birthday to me.

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9 thoughts on “What’s Your 1% Skill?

  1. I too often snort when I am laughing but honestly I have two 1% skills. First I can insert the f word into almost any sentence and usually multiple times. Second and this is one that iritates my hubby to no end… I can fall asleep anytime, anywhere, even in a loud movie theater or concert.

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  2. I notice if your shoes go with your outfit in a millisecond. However, this amazing skill can not apply to me because it is VERY hard to have matching shoes for outfits when you have D width feet (think Fred Flintstone). I can also clean a drawer like nobody’s business. Jealous? Don’t be. There’s not much call for shoe matches or drawer cleaners.

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  3. I am a delightful rule breaker. Example…..at our house, whoever makes dinner (mostly) doesn’t have to do dishes and load the dishwasher (competitively or otherwise). So, if I made dinner, yet my darling members kind of drift away, I don’t make a big snit about it, I simply go Nike: Just do it! I think that’s a good rule to break….don’t you? Happy Birthday Wendy. I’ll sing for you if you wish…..

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  4. First of all don’t judge, but I wouldn’t have a clue if you used i.e. or e.g. correctly, that’s not even a skill on my chart! I organize and color code a mean calendar. I’m the only one who truly puts groceries away (correctly) in my house cuz it’s like playing Tetris, and I’m very visual. For the most part, I can remember where something in the house is because I “see” it in my head. Oh, and my clothes are put away by color. That organizational thing I mentioned means, what a shoe store is to an average woman, is what Office Max is to me. Imagine my excitement when I heard a Conainer Store was opening here, and yes I have already been.

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  5. I can shop like it’s my job. I track down that clearance rack and comb through it looking for just the perfect items I really don’t need, but can’t pass up because of the low, low prices.

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  6. First of happy birthday! This article out a smile on my face. My 1% is that I can shake my eyes really fast. Creepiest thing ever and I don’t even know when I realized I could. My kids get a kick out of it though so I can’t complain.

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  7. I can pack a car like nobody’s business even when I myself have doubts that all that camping gear will fit in the car. I remember pointless details ( or so they seem ) about people and conversations we had. And I ‘m the queen poop picker upper it seems at my house in the dog yard. It seems everyone else misses some all the time.

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  8. Ok…I’ve been thinking about this…I guess I have two. I can justify ice cream for dinner. Just go ahead and ask me and I will find a way to explain how the ingredients will somehow round out a healthy meal. And I can run. Pretty much any distance because I am stubborn. I once trained for the cincy half marathon then went to pick up my packet the day before and saw the line for the whole marathon. I wasn’t going to be outdone so I re-registered and ran the whole. Because I am bull headed. Only with running though. Everything else I’m pretty much a “good enough” person. Oh wait…except for our band. No such thing as “good enough” for that. 🙂

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  9. Pingback: TGIF TMI | Greater Than Gravity

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