As promised, something a little more cheery. Because mean people suck. And it’s my birthday.
What’s your 1% skill? What are YOU better at or more committed to or more involved in than 99% of the rest of the universe is? It doesn’t have to be something useful for the advancement of society, as I’ll illustrate. It doesn’t even have to be a skill per se. My brother first asked me this a few years ago, and it’s something I began using with new speech pathologists during their orientation. It’s a better icebreaker than walking around the room filling in stupid bingo squares as you move from person to person finding the one person who’s traveled to Argentina or has four sisters or had surgery in the past year. It also has created sidebar business relationships (e.g., “I make soap” and “I restore furniture”) for which, regrettably, no one has seen fit to slide me the standard 10% finders fee. Mostly it’s fun and funny little peculiarities that others actually remember are made known.
We’ve established I have no artsy/crafty skills. I have the universe’s worst visual-motor integration, and until I was an adult and realized there was a reason I sucked at such tasks (i.e., my brain is simply dead there at the cortical level, that’s all), was intensely frustrated by the shortcoming. I don’t have those gifts, but I have a few skills of interest. Yes, “skills” and “interest” are what we’re going with because it’s my birthday and I’m wearing the metaphorical and/or Photoshopped tiara. See Happy Almost Birthday or scroll down for the crown artwork. Still waiting on that empress sash though. . . I’d sew one myself, but this whole paragraph is about my little visual-motor integration issue. Keep up, friends.
Drum roll please–my 1% skills:
I can load a dishwasher like nobody’s business. Seriously deadly skills. Why is there no reality competition show for this?
I remember people. If I’ve met you once, I know you for life. This is in stark contrast to the experience many people have meeting me; I “meet” people several times before I’ve left an impression sufficient that I’m remembered. I used to help people out & lead with “I used to be blonde” or “I used to be a redhead” or “I worked with you for twelve years,” but now I just say “How nice to meet you again,” and wait to roll my eyes until I turn around. Because rolling my eyes to their face would be juvenile. Duh. Mostly I just avoid eye contact altogether and don’t approach people I’ve met but don’t know well. I now assume people have no idea who I am, and am pleasantly surprised if someone does say, “Hey, Wendy, remember me?” I sure do!
I can name that tune in a millisecond. This skill comes in handy especially when I’m driving. If I don’t love it, I will change that song before your ears even detect an acoustic signal. Ninja skills, man. It’s also freaked out a few people at concerts.
I mentioned this one in my Q&A post, but I have a song for every word that comes out of your mouth. I’m pretty much always singing in my head. Annoying? Sure. Distracting? Definitely. We don’t get to choose our gifts though, do we?
I’m in the top 1% of Barenaked Ladies fans. Obviously.
My vodka pasta sauce will change your life.
I never get lost. My memory for places and internal compass rose is disturbingly accurate. And fuchsia. The compass rose that is, would be fuchsia in color. But I don’t like roses all that much if I’m being honest, so it would be OK if my compass rose was yellow instead of fuchsia because roses commonly are yellow and I like yellow a LOT and also #ketchupandmustard. What? Who cares?? Sorry.
I laugh so hard I snort about five times per day. I’m not sure what the average number of snorts per day is and if five is a lot or not many at all, or if that’s even a thing I could Google, so maybe it’s not an actual 1% kind of thing. Hold on. I just Googled it, and I can’t find a firm answer. I did learn however that if I were a single woman in San Francisco, snorting with laughter could be a deal breaker in the dating world. What a relief to be here in the Midwest and married then. W. H. E. W. But I laugh a lot, and that is the Important, with a capital I thing here. Because suck it, mean people! I’m going to laugh anyway.
So what’re your 1% skills? Leave them in the comments below, because I’m
nosy interested that way. No one reads this blog–it’s for personal therapeutic purposes only, so it’ll be our little secret. The next time you’re out with friends and the conversation drags, pull this one out of your bag of clever conversationalist tricks. You are entirely welcome.
And did no one notice I used both i.e., and e.g., CORRECTLY here in one post?? BOOM! Skills. Happy birthday to me.