Reason 6,917 I Will Not Be Named Mother of the Year

I did not pony up so much as one thin dime in ransom money, but my parents were good enough to meet me about halfway between their house and ours yesterday for the return of my Yahoos.  And yes, because my children are delightful and perfectly perfect 100% of the time, my parents did actually come to a complete stop to open the doors before running their butts out of their car.  Kidding.  My parents love their grandchildren, and would probably do most anything we ask to provide opportunities and/or help care for them.

Anyway, the first thing my big kid says to me, barely concealing mad 12-year-old giggles is, “Grandpa taught us a song, it’s really funny.”  Having grown up with the man, I feel fairly certain the direction we’re heading is a sassy-to-borderline-inappropriate one, so I’m good (I think) with what I’m about to hear.  My dad has an intelligent, dry, sometimes acerbic wit, but also still laughs his ass off at The Three Stooges, so he can mix things up a little.  I sure look like my mom, but my love of words and wit descended paternally.  I don’t especially appreciate the Stooges, but I can get behind low-brow and slapstick humor, because you may remember I’m no dummy, but I’m also an adolescent boy in the way of things I find funny.

My dad’s a gamer, so while standing in the rain outside a mid-state truck stop, he sings what I now know is titled (and I use titled loosely) Two Irishmen, so HEY, thanks for the help, Google!  I didn’t write it and didn’t name it, so please, no haters.  OK, if you have to hate, hate on me.  I’m strong.  See previous post.  Anyway, Two (or three, depends on whose version) Irishmen goes a little something like this–an’ a-one, an’ a-two

Two Irishmen, two Irishmen were diggin’ in a ditch.
One of them called the other one, a dirty son of a —

Peter Murphy, Peter Murphy sittin’ on a rock.
Along came a bumble bee, and stung him on his —

Cocktail, ginger ale, five cents a glass,
If you don’t believe me, kiss my dirty —

Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies,
Strawberry, raspberry, —
Sellin’ lemon pies.

Yeah.  Now the big kid knows it’s not quite safe for the masses, but also knows that I am borderline-to-mostly-inappropriate in the way of things I find funny.  Have you ever seen this meme?  Yes.  hell funnyToday was a crazy weather day.  It rained harder than I’ve seen it rain in a year.  It was the hurting kind of rain, pelting so hard you thought your coat would split wide open under its attack.  My little one and I were out shopping for a strange melange of goods:  baseball cleats, a Harry Potter paperback, and a refrigerator and range.  For reals.  Our phone had been knocked out, so prior to departing I asked the big kid to text me periodically to check in.  He likes being home alone, which I appreciate, so I try to afford him alone time when it’s possible.  He’s 12, and doesn’t give one bit of a damn about texting or social media rendering him anomalous among sixth graders–I’m the only one he texts.  We handed down my first iPhone to him for games and just-in-case contacts alone.  For safety.  He doesn’t have a cell phone proper, and I gotta say that I LOVE this anomaly of his, but I also want him to “get it” as it relates to this kind of tech stuff. Anyway, Wendy, get to the point.

The point is that it’s pouring so forcefully I can barely see, roads are flooding, lightning is striking, thunder’s booming–the whole red radar eye of the storm shootin’ match was underway while my little one and I sat in the car waiting for a moment’s lapse in the storm.  Big kid texts me to report having practiced piano, and moments later sends this:

I buzzed his first name for his privacy.  Because yeah, I’m an open book, but want to maintain some semblance of privacy for him.  Poor kid has enough to deal with with having his mom blog about it. . .

Sure, I ALL-CAPSed him in the first reply, but you know I was giggling like a damn fool from across town.  I was dying.  I was.  I didn’t even text yell at him including his middle name, so how mad could I really be, right?  The initial surprise wore after a moment, so I continued with the next response, all smiley face emoticon-y and stuff, and with that I doomed my MOTY nomination for the 13th year running.  Actually I totally wanted to use the emoticon where’s there’s tears from laughter, but that, friends, THAT would have been a bridge too far.


11 thoughts on “Reason 6,917 I Will Not Be Named Mother of the Year

    • It’s hard to be a disciplinarian sometimes when your sense of humor is low-brow like mine! And honestly, my boys are rarely truly over the line. The full-on middle name holler is reserved for special occasions, you are so, so right.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Love the meme! I’ve been riding the express train to hell right along with you since 1989. You’re absolutely MOTY in my book. Your boys hit the mom lottery. Have a happy Friday.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this! Just wait until you get your first log meme 😉 Seriously, you are so MOTY because you have such a great relationship with your children. That is what counts and pays off in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I always say that I’d like my kids even if they weren’t mine. So far we’ve avoided the drama that can come with middle school, and I’m grateful to have a good relationship with each (as far as I know, right?). They think I’m MOTY material, and that’s good enough for me!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I seen a cute cartoon that says, ” I believe as a grandparent, I must pass down something to my grand kids that annoys the shit out of their patents”. It doesn’t sound like the little rhyme annoyed you but being a grandparent is when it gets fun with the kids!
    I don’t know what MOTY means but I’m guessing it’s something like “badass”??

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So funny! You would totally get the MOTY award for being so cool with your kids. Also love the meme. Do you mind if I share it with my friends (we all fall in the same category and I think they’d appreciate it)! Great post – still has me giggling!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The meme isn’t mine (I suck at crediting, oops). I’ve seen a billion iterations of it all over the web though, some with funnier graphics, but feel free to take it as your own–it IS funny, and I love knowing that others share my slightly off-center sense of humor. I’m so happy you found this one funny–I was dying as it unfolded, but I’m totally biased! 😊 and I love making people laugh.


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