I meant it when I wrote last week that I don’t get lonely. Once I graduated college and dismissed the misguided, princess belief that having a boyfriend was the key to avoiding loneliness, I truly haven’t felt lonely. I also haven’t enjoyed much alone time in my adult life, but those conditions are not equal, lonely and alone. They’re quite different. I like being with people, and I like being with me.
Alone time last weekend provided me time to do everything and not much of anything. I’m working through some cerebral work stuff, trying to see the donut rather than the hole. I’ve been compiling lists of pros and cons–what I can control, how I’m hoping to behave, and how I can roll with the changes. When futility set in, I set work worry aside and compiled a sillier list of cons and pros, light bulbs that flickered while my boys were road trippin’.
Con: The boys experienced an epic road trip without their mother. I missed them. Pro: The sections of the house I deep-cleaned stayed clean in excess of sixteen minutes. They missed me too.
Con: My idiot dog woke me up before 5:30 AM five days in a row. Four of those days were not work days. Pro: I top my dog’s favorite person list these days. Wait, that’s only an intermittent pro.
Con: Being the only dog walker. Pro: I crushed my 10K a day step goal every day. Caleb got together for a puppy play date with his girlfriend, Nala, and her person Kathie. Super, ultra mega pro: Day drinking with Kathie. Me, not the dog.
Con: Ugly crying watching I’ll Push You Pro: Watching the documentary I’ll Push You, and knowing television and remote were mine, all mine. Muwaaaahahaha! I’ve been feeling a little “humanity sucks” and “people are just despicable” these days, and this documentary shares a tale of a friendship like no other, introducing viewers to the finest, most compassionate, caring individuals who evince the absolute best in random strangers.
Con: My baby missed his Sunday baseball tournament. Pro: Game time temperatures hovered near 100 degrees, so I didn’t have to mom-worry about heat stroke or hydration for my boy. I still went and scored two of the games (Not well though, I’m afraid. I was, for about 3 hours, convinced I was having a stroke, but we’re going to go with “heat-affected” or possibly “dehydrated”). The boys cemented a third place finish, and I was happily surprised to bump into E’s coach of the last two years.
Con: My baby’s disappointment at not being part of the tournament or getting to chat with his former coach. Pro: He was super excited for his teammates’ success. Also, this text message is a next-level pro. I texted my kid a hello and a little exchange from his former coach. My son’s response whispers to me that we must be doing something right.
Con: Missing my family. Pro: Being content without them.
Con: The eventuality of the credit card statement. Pro: A trip of a lifetime for them all–a bargain at any price.