A Little Light Internet Stalking

I’ve never been so excited not to be doing something! Let me explain—

The graduation gift of a lifetime (we hope, anyway) is underway. To recognize (and reward? kinda/not exactly reward) our sons’ graduations, we let them choose a special destination vacation. We are not a family of significant means, but I’ve long been scrimping, saving, side hustling, and setting aside for these forays. Our ’22 grad hopped aboard the Amtrak Empire Builder to its final destination, Portland, Oregon. He and his dad spent time there and in Seattle, taking in the incredible scenery, including Glacier National Park and Mt. Ranier along the way as well as the touristy fun stuff like the Space Needle and Pike Place Fish Market. We were happy to be able to do that for him and let’s face it, by 2022 my husband had more than earned his own vacation for having survived the accident.

The Class of 2024 trip is all about baseball. My secondborn and his dad took flight to the West Coast Sunday morning and are, as I type, gearing up for their Game 2 of a five game baseball planes, trains, and automobiles (along with ferries, buses, and subways) trip. The MLB logistics gods must have been smiling upon our family, and really it’s about damn time some random luck went in OUR favor for a delightful change of pace (who, me, bitter??). Weeks of research and planning pointed to a window where they could travel to California and catch games at each of its five MLB stadiums.

I slept not at all the night prior to their leave, so worried-for-no-good-reason was I that they’d sleep through their middle-of-the-night alarms. Why? Why am I running on constant high anxiety when it’s not even my deal to be traveling?? As I’ve said before, you don’t get to pick your quirks or mental health problems, so anxiety stole my sleep until I heard the door slam and watched their rear tail lights fade into the distance. OF COURSE they got up on time, made the drive to O’Hare International on time, shuttled to the airport on time, made it through security on time, all in time for their on-time crack of dawn flight.

I was working one of my side hustles on departure day at Milwaukee’s own MLB stadium, American Family Field, so I knew I’d be out of touch. Just before I left for work, I logged into their airline’s webpage crossing my fingers that their flight had departed, and it did, even a few minutes early at that! And it occurred to me that my internet stalking meant I knew where they were at that moment more accurately than they probably did. It’s not like they take our phones from us at work, but working outside the ballpark on Father’s Day left little room to catch my breath–everyone takes their dad out to the ball game on Father’s Day, so we were hustling Sunday. I exhaled, audibly sighed, adding a not-quiet “Yay!” when my phone buzzed with this text:

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My husband is not a tech-savvy guy and my son, though his phone appears surgically attached to his hands ever at the ready, is not always the first to text. He responds to me 100% of the time, but doesn’t initiate as often as I would like to quell my anxiety. “As often as I would like” means no fixed schedule or anything—it’s more that I think it’d be super if he could read my mind and quick text me a millisecond before my random brainwaves connect and think, “I wonder what they’re doing right now and I hope they’re safe.” Now, I fully and clearly understand that he is not responsible for assauging my fears or anxiety, so I don’t expect him to be clairvoyant or report in to his insane mama every 10 minutes, no, not that. I just want to know they are OK and I so badly want all their considerable travel legs to go smoothly. I am thrilled for them to be doing this father-son trip, having embarked upon their trip on Father’s Day, of all days.

My internet stalking (not really stalking of course, just checking social media) continued throughout the day via my son’s Instagram story. Yes, social media is how I came to know where they’d been and provided a window on what they were experiencing. The world, or his corner of it, his Instagram followers with a particular nod to his girlfiend who he misses terribly, knew what was happening before his old mom did as he updated his Insta story here and there.

I got home from work Sunday afternoon, walked our mutt, then lit out for a very long walk on my own. As I wandered, I got to wondering about what a marvel it is that I could check on their flight and view photos from their day as their day unfolded. What a marvelous thing, this internet.

My son, no fan of big cities, is stepping out of his comfort zone, to tick five more stadiums off his Major League Baseball ballpark bingo card. He and his dad are navigating mass transit of all sorts, and from what I’m led to believe, are having a good time. There’s no such thing as a bad day at the ballpark, I say. BTW, in addition to his Insta stories, my son and husband have actually made contact by another use of their phones, you know, the telephone feature, so my nerves are back down to their “normal” elevated anxiety level. I know they’re OK, but it’s nice to know-know they’re OK, ya know?

Find me a synonym for more than excited. I’m ecstatic they’re taking this father-son trip! I dislike the term “making memories” as it seems to denote an activity unto itself vs. the time spent with great people making an event/occasion memorable. Semantics. . . But I know that each of them will remember this week for the rest of their days. I sincerely could not be happier for them. I am the happiest person not to go on a cool vacation that has ever lived. Add to that, that I think I’m happier for my family members who travel or experience cool things than I would be in doing cool things myself. I’m happier knowing they’re having this experience than I would be to have the experience for myself. Really. I will happily go without over and over and over again so that my kids and husband can go.

For someone who’s not often described as very happy, I sure used “happy” a lot here.

I’m not working this week since our hometown team is on the road–California, as the stars have aligned, so my boys get to see the Brewers twice on their West Coast swing. So what am I doing in their absence, besides feeling happy for them? I’m deep cleaning sections of my house. You may think that’s not fun and you’d be right! But I’m satisfied with my investment in cleaning when I know that the house will actually stay clean for at least a couple days. I’m relishing the quietude of a house with zero background noise–no TV (unless and until I want), no questions to answer or meals to plan, no real schedule to keep this week. I’ve read two books already and watched a random movie I’d never have caught if anyone else was home.

Lastly, I’m enjoying being my dog’s go-to person for a change. Poor Caleb is reaching the end of his days, I’m afraid. There’s evidence of at least one of his tumors having ruptured. Additionally, his appetite is down and I observe a consistent droop in his energy levels except when asked, “Wanna go for a walk?” His answer to that question is still an energetic bound toward the door that both makes me smile and breaks my heart. Our walks are short and he pants a real lot, but I’m loving my time with him. I sure do love my mutt.